I have been wanting to sit down and write for some time now but don't really have much to say. I am sure you might find that odd as I am growing two babies at one time; you would think I have a ton to say...
I can't begin to say how loosing all the weight has really helped make this pregnancy easy. I am pregnant with twins and with a month left have only gained 32lbs. I just started a small amount of swelling. I can't breath all that well, but with two babies you really have to expect that. My mood swings and emotions have been in better check. I am starting to truly believe that what we really are what we eat. When we nourish our body properly everything seems to run smoothly.
When I was pregnant with Noah; my mood swings were violent and awful. I have always had issues with anxiety and depression and when I was pregnant it was even worse. After I developed postpartum and needed to be medicated. Since loosing the weight my outlook on life has really changed. It's more than just feeling better about myself. I mean I don't feel "hot" or have the confidence to wear a bathing suit with out shorts but I feel happier with the way I look. There seems to be more to it than just that though. I am just overall happier. I don't take medication anymore and haven't since the surgery. It's almost like the weight loss triggered something in my brain. I do have mood swings, that's normal with pregnancy and hormonal changes but it's different. Now I feel more in control; better able to handle the ups and downs. I think Nick would agree that my emotion have been better this time around.
I have 4 weeks until my csection and I am so ready to see my children! I am not looking forward to the surgery but I want to meet my babies. Oh and to the Women out there who make comments like "Oh that's so nice; you just get to go in and it's so easy" all I have to say is bite me. Your right I don't get to have the excitement of my water breaking or going into labor. Your right I don't get to experience the miracle of actually pushing my child out. GRR. I want very badly to have a natural labor. A Woman's body is made to stretch for and heal after child birth. Our bodies however are not meant to be cut open layer by layer. Yes Childbirth is painful, but it's pain with a purpose. A C-section is painful in a very different way. Once the baby is born vaginally (unless you have had a very severe tear) the pain gradually subsides. Even if you tear the pain subsides quicker than an abdominal incision. It really angers me that some Women seem to thing that by having a c-section I am somehow getting it easier. I am not saying one is easier than the other but lets be honest here; Women heal quicker after a vaginal delivery and it's what our body is made to do. I keep my fingers crossed that I by some miracle go into labor and that both twins are head down. There is also a feeling of being defective when you "can't" give birth vaginally. To me it seems as though there is a feeling of accomplishment when you push that little one out. Laying on the table you feel detached and uninvolved. I understand the importance of C-sections. Had I not had one with Noah; he would have gotten stuck and we could have died. Sections are an important medical breakthrough; but please don't talk to me like I am so lucky that I get to have one. That's like telling someone they are lucky they get to have a root canal. I mean it's important to fix that tooth; but it's painful and no fun. Anywho, that's enough of that rant.
The twins are doing great. Growing quickly, which is great since most twins growth starts slowing down around 32 weeks. At 30 weeks they were over 3lbs each so hopefully we have over 4lbs. The thicker they get, the healthier they will be when I deliver. :) I go into have an Ultrasound tomorrow and am looking forward to seeing how they are positioned.
Liam and Ellie are scheduled to arrive December 8th at 12:30, but I have my fingers crossed that I go into labor. Even if I go into labor and have to end up having a csection it would be so nice to experience the start of labor at least once. We had to induce with Noah as he was late; apparently to big to drop and cause labor to start.
Well I better run.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
July 29, 2010 *2
Funny story;
Noah has started to suck/chew on his fingers. Nick and I are always asking him to "take your fingers out of your mouth"
Today I told him again "Noah take your fingers out of your mouth" to which he responded "I have to keep them safe!"
:)
Noah has started to suck/chew on his fingers. Nick and I are always asking him to "take your fingers out of your mouth"
Today I told him again "Noah take your fingers out of your mouth" to which he responded "I have to keep them safe!"
:)
July 29, 2010
Our trip to Texas is quickly approaching and my impatience is growing. I am so ready to go. I think we all need a change of pace and a break from normal life. Today I actually packed bag number 1. Noah and I are almost completely taken care of, now to get Nick's clothes washed and ready to go. Will Tuesday ever come!!!
:)
We have another Ultrasound today at 2:45. We go in to check on the body parts they were not able to check out last time we visited. Hopefully the little ones cooperate. Then tomorrow we have to head to health plan for our OB appointment. So far I have been on seen a different Doctor every time. This time I am visiting a Dr. that was recommended to me and that I am scheduled to see every visit from here on out. Hopefully we all like her...
Well Noah is driving me nuts and crawling all over me, so I guess that's my cue to get off the computer.
:)
We have another Ultrasound today at 2:45. We go in to check on the body parts they were not able to check out last time we visited. Hopefully the little ones cooperate. Then tomorrow we have to head to health plan for our OB appointment. So far I have been on seen a different Doctor every time. This time I am visiting a Dr. that was recommended to me and that I am scheduled to see every visit from here on out. Hopefully we all like her...
Well Noah is driving me nuts and crawling all over me, so I guess that's my cue to get off the computer.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
July 22, 2010 Take two!
We arrived at Yale Maternal-Fetal Medicine about 15 minutes prior to my appointment and sat impatiently in the waiting room. Apparently they were running behind already so we had to wait until about 9:30ish before we were called back.
I was already anxious and then I realized it was a man doing my ultrasound. Now I am not sure why this bothered me at first as I have had Male ObGyn's before. But for some reason it made me a little uneasy. As he squirted obscene amounts of blue goo on my belly I tried to relax. The lights went dim and off we went.
The ultrasound was to check all the vital organs and body parts so we had to wait awhile before he made his way to the area we really wanted to see. When we finally got there it was pretty obvious what gender the baby was, which should tell you right away Boy. My first reaction was surprisingly calm considering this was the baby I thought was the girl. I new we had one more chance for a girl so I was trying to be patient while he checked every nook and cranny of the baby. It seems like forever passes before we move on to the next baby.
Internally I am thinking alright Baby B lets do this, while another part of me has already given up hope. He is doing all the checking he did with Baby A while periodically checking the nether regions which remains closed for viewing. By the time he is done defiantly Baby B keeps there legs closed. He gives me a towel for my belly and tells me "maybe we can see later" to which I respond "later today??" he doesn't answer and heads out.
Disappointed I call my Mom. "Well Baby A is a boy but we don't know what Baby B is..."
-"Your Kidding right?" "Mom why would I kid about that?" Dr. enters "gotta go mom"
Talk, talk, talk- Alright lets take a look. YES we are going to look again. So he starts checking things out. He isn't as slow as the tech (letting us see everything) so Nick and I are confused about what we are looking at when he says Baby B is a girl.
Nick "What what?" It's a girl Me arms raised in victory "YES!"
Nick "How can you tell, I mean boys are so obvious?" Dr. "Exactly boys have no shame. If it's difficult to determine that usually means it's a girl. We look for what we call a Hamburger" He then shows us said "Hamburger" (ie- the labium, clitoris, labium).
After finding out it was one boy and one girl I felt like I was able to breath and I am sure my blood pressure reduced. I can't begin to express how blessed and excited I am!
Baby Boy Silkey
Baby Girl Silkey
I was already anxious and then I realized it was a man doing my ultrasound. Now I am not sure why this bothered me at first as I have had Male ObGyn's before. But for some reason it made me a little uneasy. As he squirted obscene amounts of blue goo on my belly I tried to relax. The lights went dim and off we went.
The ultrasound was to check all the vital organs and body parts so we had to wait awhile before he made his way to the area we really wanted to see. When we finally got there it was pretty obvious what gender the baby was, which should tell you right away Boy. My first reaction was surprisingly calm considering this was the baby I thought was the girl. I new we had one more chance for a girl so I was trying to be patient while he checked every nook and cranny of the baby. It seems like forever passes before we move on to the next baby.
Internally I am thinking alright Baby B lets do this, while another part of me has already given up hope. He is doing all the checking he did with Baby A while periodically checking the nether regions which remains closed for viewing. By the time he is done defiantly Baby B keeps there legs closed. He gives me a towel for my belly and tells me "maybe we can see later" to which I respond "later today??" he doesn't answer and heads out.
Disappointed I call my Mom. "Well Baby A is a boy but we don't know what Baby B is..."
-"Your Kidding right?" "Mom why would I kid about that?" Dr. enters "gotta go mom"
Talk, talk, talk- Alright lets take a look. YES we are going to look again. So he starts checking things out. He isn't as slow as the tech (letting us see everything) so Nick and I are confused about what we are looking at when he says Baby B is a girl.
Nick "What what?" It's a girl Me arms raised in victory "YES!"
Nick "How can you tell, I mean boys are so obvious?" Dr. "Exactly boys have no shame. If it's difficult to determine that usually means it's a girl. We look for what we call a Hamburger" He then shows us said "Hamburger" (ie- the labium, clitoris, labium).
After finding out it was one boy and one girl I felt like I was able to breath and I am sure my blood pressure reduced. I can't begin to express how blessed and excited I am!
Baby Boy SilkeyBaby Girl Silkey
July 22, 2010
It's "That" morning. The day when we find out if we are having boys, girls, or one of each. I know eventually I will be okay with what ever the results are as long as the babies are healthy, but for the time being I hold out hope that I will get a daughter.
I spoke with my Mom and she told me "You have to be happy no matter what" to which I responded "no, Mom I don't" "I am allowed to mourn the loss"
"But you never had it to loose"
"It's the loss of a potential daughter, I will never have a biological daughter if she isn't in there now"
"You never know" (the eternal optimist)
"Well unless I miraculously get pregnant without trying and that baby happens to be a girl well then yeah I could have a chance..."
It's so frustrating. My friends are able to get it, why I would be disappointed and sad. Of all people, why can't my Mom understand.
Well off we go, out appointment is in 45 minutes.
I spoke with my Mom and she told me "You have to be happy no matter what" to which I responded "no, Mom I don't" "I am allowed to mourn the loss"
"But you never had it to loose"
"It's the loss of a potential daughter, I will never have a biological daughter if she isn't in there now"
"You never know" (the eternal optimist)
"Well unless I miraculously get pregnant without trying and that baby happens to be a girl well then yeah I could have a chance..."
It's so frustrating. My friends are able to get it, why I would be disappointed and sad. Of all people, why can't my Mom understand.
Well off we go, out appointment is in 45 minutes.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
July 20, 2010
I posted this as a discussion on my Mom's group board. So I thought I would post it here too.
I am sure most if not all Moms go through this but I thought I would reach out to the group for support and thoughts...
The further along I get (in my pregnancy) the more guilty I begin to feel. It's like I am taking something away from Noah. I know I am giving him a gift, siblings are great (at times). But it has been just the three of us for 3 years and I don't want him to think he is less important because more children are coming along. Maybe if it weren't two (out numbering him) I would feel differently, but I don't think so. I don't want him to resent the babies for taking the attention away. I also feel sad. It's just us and our bond is so strong. I don't want to loose that or for it to become less because my time for him is going to be limited. I have always known that the older Noah gets the more difficult it was going to be for him when babies came, I guess I just didn't realize how hard it was going to be on me. My older brother was 4 when I was born and he was awful to me until I was in college. It was a big deal me coming and taking his place as the youngest and to top it all off I was a girl. He told my parents to send me back (as story I really think I could have done with out hearing). But I was 2 when my little brother was born and don't recall his being born or being the youngest. I just remember having a best friend growing up. I just worry that Noah is now at the age where he is going to remember the attention and the difference after the babies come. I mean one way to make a kid feel less important is to have all the ppl who once ooed and ahhed over you to all of a sudden oo and ahh over a new baby and poor kid he has to deal with the novelty of twins!
Sorry to vent, but I was just curious if others felt this way and what you did to help/prepare yourself and your child.
Yep those are undies on his head! :)
I am sure most if not all Moms go through this but I thought I would reach out to the group for support and thoughts...
The further along I get (in my pregnancy) the more guilty I begin to feel. It's like I am taking something away from Noah. I know I am giving him a gift, siblings are great (at times). But it has been just the three of us for 3 years and I don't want him to think he is less important because more children are coming along. Maybe if it weren't two (out numbering him) I would feel differently, but I don't think so. I don't want him to resent the babies for taking the attention away. I also feel sad. It's just us and our bond is so strong. I don't want to loose that or for it to become less because my time for him is going to be limited. I have always known that the older Noah gets the more difficult it was going to be for him when babies came, I guess I just didn't realize how hard it was going to be on me. My older brother was 4 when I was born and he was awful to me until I was in college. It was a big deal me coming and taking his place as the youngest and to top it all off I was a girl. He told my parents to send me back (as story I really think I could have done with out hearing). But I was 2 when my little brother was born and don't recall his being born or being the youngest. I just remember having a best friend growing up. I just worry that Noah is now at the age where he is going to remember the attention and the difference after the babies come. I mean one way to make a kid feel less important is to have all the ppl who once ooed and ahhed over you to all of a sudden oo and ahh over a new baby and poor kid he has to deal with the novelty of twins!
Sorry to vent, but I was just curious if others felt this way and what you did to help/prepare yourself and your child.
Yep those are undies on his head! :)
Saturday, July 17, 2010
July 17, 2010
Here I am merely 17 weeks pregnant and I feel like I have already been pregnant forever. Sometimes I wish we didn't find out so darn early. I mean it must have been nice for Women when they would be 3-4 months (ie- where I am now) along before they found out. Maybe it helped time pass quicker.
This part of the pregnancy hasn't been to bad though. The 1st trimester was no fun. Lots of morning sickness and I always felt tired. I now have a lot more energy and only start feeling sick if I go way to long with out eating. Midnight feedings and eating as soon as my feet hit the floor in the morning have kind of faded away. Which is nice, since I gained like 5 lbs in those 1st few months. I am learning very quickly though that size is all in my head. My stomach has rounded and started to become firm, but unless I am wearing certain outfits you wouldn't know I was pregnant. Some days I look in the mirror and think... when am I going to look like I have twins in there?? Others I think holy cow I am huge. But usually it's just me.
Thursday we go in for another Ultra Sound. This is the big one... This tells me if I get to have a mother/daughter relationship. I want this SO BAD. I keep getting reassurance that no matter what I will be happy as long as they are healthy and to that I want to say "Eventually and No Shit". BUT it doesn't for one second mean I won't be utterly and completely devastated. I really don't want to be reassured at the moment and after I find out; if there are two little boys in there I honestly want ppl to back away and let me be sad. I will have to mourn the loss of that potential daughter. 3 children will likely be it for us. If we were to try again for a 4th, we would go back on clomid, increasing our chances of twins again. I think Nick would have a heart attack if we ended up with 5 kids. So this is kind of it for us. If I don't have a little girl, I will likely never have a daughter. The thought breaks me. My Mom has been one of the most vocal, "You will be alright" voices. I know that is just her nature, the forever optimist. I just wish she understood that I want a daughter so badly because I value my relationship with her so much. I didn't always think of her the way I do now and lord knows I was a challenge for her during my teen years. If that is what I have to put up with to have the bond that we have, well then so be it.
I'm nervous and excited all in one. I want to know and I don't. I have a strong feeling it's one boy and one girl ( I was right about Noah) but I could be wrong this time. I'm scared of how sad I will feel. If it is two boys I don't want them to ever think I didn't want them. Honestly a house full of boys wouldn't be so awful, but the heart wants what it wants.
Well here's hoping....
This part of the pregnancy hasn't been to bad though. The 1st trimester was no fun. Lots of morning sickness and I always felt tired. I now have a lot more energy and only start feeling sick if I go way to long with out eating. Midnight feedings and eating as soon as my feet hit the floor in the morning have kind of faded away. Which is nice, since I gained like 5 lbs in those 1st few months. I am learning very quickly though that size is all in my head. My stomach has rounded and started to become firm, but unless I am wearing certain outfits you wouldn't know I was pregnant. Some days I look in the mirror and think... when am I going to look like I have twins in there?? Others I think holy cow I am huge. But usually it's just me.
Thursday we go in for another Ultra Sound. This is the big one... This tells me if I get to have a mother/daughter relationship. I want this SO BAD. I keep getting reassurance that no matter what I will be happy as long as they are healthy and to that I want to say "Eventually and No Shit". BUT it doesn't for one second mean I won't be utterly and completely devastated. I really don't want to be reassured at the moment and after I find out; if there are two little boys in there I honestly want ppl to back away and let me be sad. I will have to mourn the loss of that potential daughter. 3 children will likely be it for us. If we were to try again for a 4th, we would go back on clomid, increasing our chances of twins again. I think Nick would have a heart attack if we ended up with 5 kids. So this is kind of it for us. If I don't have a little girl, I will likely never have a daughter. The thought breaks me. My Mom has been one of the most vocal, "You will be alright" voices. I know that is just her nature, the forever optimist. I just wish she understood that I want a daughter so badly because I value my relationship with her so much. I didn't always think of her the way I do now and lord knows I was a challenge for her during my teen years. If that is what I have to put up with to have the bond that we have, well then so be it.
I'm nervous and excited all in one. I want to know and I don't. I have a strong feeling it's one boy and one girl ( I was right about Noah) but I could be wrong this time. I'm scared of how sad I will feel. If it is two boys I don't want them to ever think I didn't want them. Honestly a house full of boys wouldn't be so awful, but the heart wants what it wants.
Well here's hoping....
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
June 9, 2010
I took the book back and no longer have the monthly questions, so there goes that idea. :)
The last month has been impossible. If I didn't feel awful, I was so tired from feeling awful that I didn't want to do anything. The last few days have been better so I am hoping this is a turning point. 2nd trimester was the easiest with Noah so I am hoping the same with happen with the twins.
Today we had our ultrasound screening done for Down Syndrome. Both of the babies fell within normal ranges, now we wait for the blood test results. Basically it tells us the risk. I am not really worried, what ever happens, happens. I found out today that during this pregnancy I will be having an ultrasound monthly and then bi-monthly. I am kind of excited about getting to see the babies so often. The doctor said that 1/2 of all twins are born before 36weeks and by monitoring they can determine which babies will fall in to which half.
Tomorrow Nick and I will have been married for 4yrs. It's funny that it's only been 4yrs. We have dated off and on for so long 4 years seems like nothing in the grand scheme of things. We still haven't made a decision on what we are going to do, which kind of gets on my nerves. Oh well.
That is about all that I have been up to recently. I will try to get back on sooner rather than later. :)
The last month has been impossible. If I didn't feel awful, I was so tired from feeling awful that I didn't want to do anything. The last few days have been better so I am hoping this is a turning point. 2nd trimester was the easiest with Noah so I am hoping the same with happen with the twins.
Today we had our ultrasound screening done for Down Syndrome. Both of the babies fell within normal ranges, now we wait for the blood test results. Basically it tells us the risk. I am not really worried, what ever happens, happens. I found out today that during this pregnancy I will be having an ultrasound monthly and then bi-monthly. I am kind of excited about getting to see the babies so often. The doctor said that 1/2 of all twins are born before 36weeks and by monitoring they can determine which babies will fall in to which half.
Tomorrow Nick and I will have been married for 4yrs. It's funny that it's only been 4yrs. We have dated off and on for so long 4 years seems like nothing in the grand scheme of things. We still haven't made a decision on what we are going to do, which kind of gets on my nerves. Oh well.
That is about all that I have been up to recently. I will try to get back on sooner rather than later. :)
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
May 4, 2010
Gaining Weight....
Everyone knows I had Gastric bypass, it was a year ago on May 11th. I have lost about 120lbs and now I am pregnant with Twins and possibly triplets! So weight gain has been on my mind. Yes weight gain is perfectly normal when pregnant and my concern is not new. When I was pregnant with Noah I only wanted to gain 15lbs, I was way more over weight then but still. Now I am reading and depending on how many babies I could gain anywhere between 40 and 60 lbs!! OMG That freaks me out. I know I need to make sure I eat enough for the babies, but is that much weight gain really necessary to nourish me and the babies? With Noah I gain 22lbs and then another 8lbs at the very end of straight water weight (you should have seen my feet!). Being as over weight as I was with Noah I did a good job not gaining to much, but I wasn't eating as healthy as I do now. Isn't it reasonable to think that if I eat healthy and keep as active as possible that the babies and myself will get everything we need with out gaining 60lbs??
I know it sounds like I am being selfish, but if I gain 60lbs being healthy and active then I gain 60 lbs. But the idea that it is a rule of thumb and normal kills me. I mean 60 lbs in 9 months is a lot of weight...
Gardening
YAY! I planted my garden today! It felt so good getting the tomatoes, bell peppers, jalapenos, and flowers planted. I may plant some other things but I am not sure just yet. I should probably plant a leafy veggie or maybe a root veggie...yum... I can't wait for it to start growing. Our crop of Tomatoes were soooo good last year.
Being Pregnant
So it's weird that I already feel pregnant. Tomorrow is 7weeks and my belly has already started to round and firm. I am tired all the time and I feel like I am always hungry. This is going to be a long pregnancy if I am already feeling it this early!
Twins or Triplets
So in my head I started prepping myself for triplets. I figured it would be easier to step back the planning. I thought hey it will be less overwhelming if you plan on having three now, rather than add on later. Well my head didn't consider my heart... So in my heart I have already started loving three babies. Not smart of me considering it could only be two, then I will feel sad, like I have lost a child. And who knows I could have lost the third or it could have just been an abnormal blip on the screen. I know I will be fine, but I probably should have considered everything before I started planning on having three kiddos.
Boy or Girl
I really really really really (I could keep going) hope that there is at least 1 girl in there. I want a daughter so bad! Don't get me wrong, little boys are a blast and I adore being a boy mom, but I want a little girl too! But we won't know anything until July... Oh the wait is going to suck! Ideally if it's 3 I would love 1 boy and 2 girls that way we are even. If it's twins as long as 1 is a girl I am cool (I will be cool with 2 boys, but beyond happy with a girl)
Well it's nap time for Noah, so I better wrestle him to bed. Have a great day!
Everyone knows I had Gastric bypass, it was a year ago on May 11th. I have lost about 120lbs and now I am pregnant with Twins and possibly triplets! So weight gain has been on my mind. Yes weight gain is perfectly normal when pregnant and my concern is not new. When I was pregnant with Noah I only wanted to gain 15lbs, I was way more over weight then but still. Now I am reading and depending on how many babies I could gain anywhere between 40 and 60 lbs!! OMG That freaks me out. I know I need to make sure I eat enough for the babies, but is that much weight gain really necessary to nourish me and the babies? With Noah I gain 22lbs and then another 8lbs at the very end of straight water weight (you should have seen my feet!). Being as over weight as I was with Noah I did a good job not gaining to much, but I wasn't eating as healthy as I do now. Isn't it reasonable to think that if I eat healthy and keep as active as possible that the babies and myself will get everything we need with out gaining 60lbs??
I know it sounds like I am being selfish, but if I gain 60lbs being healthy and active then I gain 60 lbs. But the idea that it is a rule of thumb and normal kills me. I mean 60 lbs in 9 months is a lot of weight...
Gardening
YAY! I planted my garden today! It felt so good getting the tomatoes, bell peppers, jalapenos, and flowers planted. I may plant some other things but I am not sure just yet. I should probably plant a leafy veggie or maybe a root veggie...yum... I can't wait for it to start growing. Our crop of Tomatoes were soooo good last year.
Being Pregnant
So it's weird that I already feel pregnant. Tomorrow is 7weeks and my belly has already started to round and firm. I am tired all the time and I feel like I am always hungry. This is going to be a long pregnancy if I am already feeling it this early!
Twins or Triplets
So in my head I started prepping myself for triplets. I figured it would be easier to step back the planning. I thought hey it will be less overwhelming if you plan on having three now, rather than add on later. Well my head didn't consider my heart... So in my heart I have already started loving three babies. Not smart of me considering it could only be two, then I will feel sad, like I have lost a child. And who knows I could have lost the third or it could have just been an abnormal blip on the screen. I know I will be fine, but I probably should have considered everything before I started planning on having three kiddos.
Boy or Girl
I really really really really (I could keep going) hope that there is at least 1 girl in there. I want a daughter so bad! Don't get me wrong, little boys are a blast and I adore being a boy mom, but I want a little girl too! But we won't know anything until July... Oh the wait is going to suck! Ideally if it's 3 I would love 1 boy and 2 girls that way we are even. If it's twins as long as 1 is a girl I am cool (I will be cool with 2 boys, but beyond happy with a girl)
Well it's nap time for Noah, so I better wrestle him to bed. Have a great day!
Monday, May 3, 2010
May 3, 2010
So I checked out this great book from the library; The Hot Mom to be Handbook and it has monthly journal questions that I want to answer. It being a library book I think they would generally look down on me writing in the book, so I figured I would answer the questions here!
Month One (I am technically 6.5 weeks along but close enough)
1. What were your first words or thoughts when you found out you were pregnant?
My first thought was its about time! I sat in the bathroom at 4am and cried tears of pure joy. I wanted so badly to wake Nick, but waited for him to wake.
2. What are you the most excited about? What do you fear the most?
I am most excited about completing our family. For Noah to have siblings to play with. I am most afraid of not having enough time for Noah. He has been our everything for 3yrs and by the time the babies come it will be almost 4. I don't want him to feel sad about the change that is going to occur. I hope that Nick and I are able to balance the needs of the babies and Noah.
3. What was the funniest thing that someone said or did when you told them about "the bun"?
Well I guess that honor goes to Nick. I sent Noah in with a big brother tshirt and told him to show daddy. So Nick sees the shirt and instead of looking at me with a "really we are?" face he looked at the shirt and was like yeah it's nice. I said did you read it, and he said yeah where did that come from. So I whispered into Noah's ear to tell daddy that "mommy was going to have a baby" but Noah said "I want mommy to have a baby" to which Nick responded I know, I know we are working on it. Finally I looked at him and said, "No Mommy IS going to have a baby." Finally he got it! He thought the shirt was a hand me down we got from a friend or something...
4. Once you are pregnant you notice every baby in the world. How many babies did you see today?
Well I didn't leave the house today so the only babies I saw were on tv. I guess 4-5 maybe..
Well that's all for this journal, no worries I will be back with another one soon as I hit 2 months very soon!
Month One (I am technically 6.5 weeks along but close enough)
1. What were your first words or thoughts when you found out you were pregnant?
My first thought was its about time! I sat in the bathroom at 4am and cried tears of pure joy. I wanted so badly to wake Nick, but waited for him to wake.
2. What are you the most excited about? What do you fear the most?
I am most excited about completing our family. For Noah to have siblings to play with. I am most afraid of not having enough time for Noah. He has been our everything for 3yrs and by the time the babies come it will be almost 4. I don't want him to feel sad about the change that is going to occur. I hope that Nick and I are able to balance the needs of the babies and Noah.
3. What was the funniest thing that someone said or did when you told them about "the bun"?
Well I guess that honor goes to Nick. I sent Noah in with a big brother tshirt and told him to show daddy. So Nick sees the shirt and instead of looking at me with a "really we are?" face he looked at the shirt and was like yeah it's nice. I said did you read it, and he said yeah where did that come from. So I whispered into Noah's ear to tell daddy that "mommy was going to have a baby" but Noah said "I want mommy to have a baby" to which Nick responded I know, I know we are working on it. Finally I looked at him and said, "No Mommy IS going to have a baby." Finally he got it! He thought the shirt was a hand me down we got from a friend or something...
4. Once you are pregnant you notice every baby in the world. How many babies did you see today?
Well I didn't leave the house today so the only babies I saw were on tv. I guess 4-5 maybe..
Well that's all for this journal, no worries I will be back with another one soon as I hit 2 months very soon!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
March 21, 2010
So I missed writing yesterday but I have a good excuse. :)
We woke around 8:30. I made coffee and breakfast for Nick. Then I dragged the family to the YMCA. The Hamden Y is not as nice as the one we usually go to in Milord, but it did the trick. Sadly we couldn't take Noah swimming bc the entire pool was being used for lessons. After working out we were all famished so we grabbed lunch. It was Noah's nap time so I drove the boys home and then went shopping. The family was going to a post St. Patrick's day party and I had to make a dish. The party started at 4, I came flying through the door and 3:20 and started cooking. We of course were late but we made it to the party and were there until midnight! Poor Noah, but it's not like he stays up like that all the time.
It is so much fun hanging out with our friends! Our kids have fun and we have a fun. Can't really ask for more!
Today is another Beautiful day. We are starting slowly and enjoying the peace and quiet. I have YRUU (youth group) tonight and I am not sure how I feel about it. I get the feeling the kids see the adults as invaders and a lot of the time we are treated as such. Don't get me wrong I really like all these kids but I don't like feeling so "outsider". We shall see how it goes. I have high hopes that it will all get back on track.
Blessings to you all.
We woke around 8:30. I made coffee and breakfast for Nick. Then I dragged the family to the YMCA. The Hamden Y is not as nice as the one we usually go to in Milord, but it did the trick. Sadly we couldn't take Noah swimming bc the entire pool was being used for lessons. After working out we were all famished so we grabbed lunch. It was Noah's nap time so I drove the boys home and then went shopping. The family was going to a post St. Patrick's day party and I had to make a dish. The party started at 4, I came flying through the door and 3:20 and started cooking. We of course were late but we made it to the party and were there until midnight! Poor Noah, but it's not like he stays up like that all the time.
It is so much fun hanging out with our friends! Our kids have fun and we have a fun. Can't really ask for more!
Today is another Beautiful day. We are starting slowly and enjoying the peace and quiet. I have YRUU (youth group) tonight and I am not sure how I feel about it. I get the feeling the kids see the adults as invaders and a lot of the time we are treated as such. Don't get me wrong I really like all these kids but I don't like feeling so "outsider". We shall see how it goes. I have high hopes that it will all get back on track.
Blessings to you all.
Friday, March 19, 2010
March 19, 2010
The windows are open and it is nice having the fresh air pouring in the apartment. Things get so stale over the winter and you almost forget what if feels like to let the sun warm your skin. I sat outside today watching Noah play with a friend outside for more than an hour and it brought back so many great memories of just being a kids and soaking in the fresh air and sun. Today has been a good day. Noah and I went to the YMCA. I worked out on the treadmill while he played then we swam for about 30 minutes. We drove to East Haven to visit with a friend and pick up our bike. Now I am enjoying the silence and as I said before the fresh air. I tried to find some Spring/Summer clothes to wear today and have had no luck with the fit. I new this would happen of course but it is going to be another financial hit to have to purchase more clothes.
I hope this nice weather keeps. It is so much easier to be positive when the sun is shining.
May the sun shine where ever you are!
I hope this nice weather keeps. It is so much easier to be positive when the sun is shining.
May the sun shine where ever you are!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
March 18th 2010
I woke up today determined to stick with my plan to stay positive. Today thus far has been a success. I got out of bed as soon as Noah was up, granted he slept till 9am today (YAY) but I was up when he decided to wake.
As if I needed more proof that I am not pregnant I started this morning. But I am trying to stay positive and remember that If I started without medication that means I ovulated last month. So the clomid did work. Once we were dressed and I dealt with getting locked out of the house we were ready to head to the gym. The work out was great. I jogged/walked on the treadmill and then used the weight machines. Following the workout we went to have lunch with Nick at his work. It's always nice going to see him. We always get lots of stares as children and spouses don't often come to visit. Now I am sitting at home while Noah naps, enjoying the beautiful day! I am so happy we can open the windows again!
I am forcing the happy face and forcing the positive attitude, but it does seem to be working so far.
1 day at a time.
As if I needed more proof that I am not pregnant I started this morning. But I am trying to stay positive and remember that If I started without medication that means I ovulated last month. So the clomid did work. Once we were dressed and I dealt with getting locked out of the house we were ready to head to the gym. The work out was great. I jogged/walked on the treadmill and then used the weight machines. Following the workout we went to have lunch with Nick at his work. It's always nice going to see him. We always get lots of stares as children and spouses don't often come to visit. Now I am sitting at home while Noah naps, enjoying the beautiful day! I am so happy we can open the windows again!
I am forcing the happy face and forcing the positive attitude, but it does seem to be working so far.
1 day at a time.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
The Power of Positive Thought
Well this morning the Pregnancy test yet again reads negative. I hate how that damn stick holds so many hopes and it so easily dismisses them. I have been in mourning for a few days now. Nick doesn't quite understand because to him, what do I have to mourn. It's not like I was pregnant and lost a baby. In my mind I lost that potential baby, the might have been. That is what I am mourning. The hormones and disappointment have not helped the weightloss either making me feel even worse. So today in my journal this is what I wrote and decided;
I need to get it together! I haven't dropped a lb in a while and it's because I am letting my sadness get the better of me. I will eventually get pregnant but in the mean time I need to stay fit and healthy.
I need to make the following changes;
*Wake early and start the day with Nick and Noah
*Work out a min. of 3x a week
*No Crap Snacking- No matter how sad, depressed, or bored I am
*Increase my water intake. I was doing so good!
*Stay Positive!
*Journal/Blog daily
*Take time for me. It is not selfish to want personal time.
I need to remember to live/lead by example. Noah needs healthy parents to follow. My goal is to loose another 10lbs by my May check up.
I can do this, I just have to shake off the funk and get it done! I am hoping Positive Thought will have a positive impact on all aspects of my life.
I need to get it together! I haven't dropped a lb in a while and it's because I am letting my sadness get the better of me. I will eventually get pregnant but in the mean time I need to stay fit and healthy.
I need to make the following changes;
*Wake early and start the day with Nick and Noah
*Work out a min. of 3x a week
*No Crap Snacking- No matter how sad, depressed, or bored I am
*Increase my water intake. I was doing so good!
*Stay Positive!
*Journal/Blog daily
*Take time for me. It is not selfish to want personal time.
I need to remember to live/lead by example. Noah needs healthy parents to follow. My goal is to loose another 10lbs by my May check up.
I can do this, I just have to shake off the funk and get it done! I am hoping Positive Thought will have a positive impact on all aspects of my life.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
When it rains it pours
And I am not just talking about the awful weather we have been having lately.
So I have been taking medication to help with all my fertility issues. The Provera did its job and I started then I took the clomid. It seems as though the clomid did it's job, but I may have taken the ovulation test to early...On top of all that we found out that both Nick and I have fertility issues. I won't go into what is going on with him, but if this round doesn't work we will be going in for Insemination. I feel sad and this darn rain isn't helping.
In addition to all of this my Dad is having surgery today and so I am worried... ug what a day.
So I have been taking medication to help with all my fertility issues. The Provera did its job and I started then I took the clomid. It seems as though the clomid did it's job, but I may have taken the ovulation test to early...On top of all that we found out that both Nick and I have fertility issues. I won't go into what is going on with him, but if this round doesn't work we will be going in for Insemination. I feel sad and this darn rain isn't helping.
In addition to all of this my Dad is having surgery today and so I am worried... ug what a day.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Save Your Judgment
Today a man flew a small plane into a building containing IRS offices. At the moment there is no official word on fatalities; they are saying 2 ppl were injured and 1 person is missing. He left a long letter trying to explain his actions. Of course people are responding in so many ways, calling him crazy or a nut job. I say save your judgment. I DO NOT agree with his actions, but they were the actions of a broken depressed person. He was lost and financially devastated. There are thousands if not millions more people out there that face the same issues. I don't agree with his actions but I am in no place to judge him or call him names. I think the important thing to do is to pray for those affected by his actions and to keep moving forward. Name calling doesn't do anyone any good.
I'm thinking of you Austin.
I'm thinking of you Austin.
So it begins
Let the baby making begin! For the last 12 days I was taking something called Provera, this was used to start the menstrual cycle. I usually only have a period every three months or less so that doesn't help when trying to make a baby. Once I finally started I had to wait until day three to start the Clomid, which I did today.
I had some pretty noticeable side effects on the Provera. My moods were all over the place and I hate feeling that way. Most people I have talked to or read about didn't have a reaction to the Provera but they did to the Clomid. Needless to say I am worried that the Clomid is going to cause even crazier mood swings if I was affected by the Provera. I hate feeling out of control. I can catch myself at times in the moment of craziness, but usually it's after the fact when I start thinking about what got me so angry or sad. Nick and I both hope that we conceive baby #2 this go round so I don't have to go through the meds again.
The excitement that I feel right now is so crazy and yet it is kind of muted. I am afraid to get my hopes up. There are so many hurdles. First I have to ovulate, then if I do ovulate I have to time everything just right and still there is only a 20-30% chance on getting pregnant. And that percentage isn't just for me that is the chance every women has every time they ovulate and try to get pregnant. 20-30% ... No wonder they refer to every baby as a miracle ;) We just want another child so badly...
Last night we had the opportunity to see what it would be like to have 3 children, 3yrs and under. It was interesting. We babysat for a friend of mine and her daughter, who is 6 months old (?) is teething. So she was not in the greatest of moods. I ended up holding her in a sling the entire time they were here. The little boy is 3, his bday is also in April so exactly a year older than Noah. He did great, played games, watched videos, and ate all his dinner. I wish I could say the same for Noah. Even though he didn't want my attention or Nicks for that matter (he wanted to play with his friend) he didn't seem to like the fact that a lot if not all of my attention was focused on the teething baby. We finally had to take him to his room and let him have some alone time. It was a challenge but we did it. Of course if we do have 3 children they will not all be under three, unless of course by some twist of fate we have twins. That would be neat, weird, scary...
Well I better run, Noah James says "I wanna play games!" which means I see mommy with her computer and I want to play with it.
:) W
I had some pretty noticeable side effects on the Provera. My moods were all over the place and I hate feeling that way. Most people I have talked to or read about didn't have a reaction to the Provera but they did to the Clomid. Needless to say I am worried that the Clomid is going to cause even crazier mood swings if I was affected by the Provera. I hate feeling out of control. I can catch myself at times in the moment of craziness, but usually it's after the fact when I start thinking about what got me so angry or sad. Nick and I both hope that we conceive baby #2 this go round so I don't have to go through the meds again.
The excitement that I feel right now is so crazy and yet it is kind of muted. I am afraid to get my hopes up. There are so many hurdles. First I have to ovulate, then if I do ovulate I have to time everything just right and still there is only a 20-30% chance on getting pregnant. And that percentage isn't just for me that is the chance every women has every time they ovulate and try to get pregnant. 20-30% ... No wonder they refer to every baby as a miracle ;) We just want another child so badly...
Last night we had the opportunity to see what it would be like to have 3 children, 3yrs and under. It was interesting. We babysat for a friend of mine and her daughter, who is 6 months old (?) is teething. So she was not in the greatest of moods. I ended up holding her in a sling the entire time they were here. The little boy is 3, his bday is also in April so exactly a year older than Noah. He did great, played games, watched videos, and ate all his dinner. I wish I could say the same for Noah. Even though he didn't want my attention or Nicks for that matter (he wanted to play with his friend) he didn't seem to like the fact that a lot if not all of my attention was focused on the teething baby. We finally had to take him to his room and let him have some alone time. It was a challenge but we did it. Of course if we do have 3 children they will not all be under three, unless of course by some twist of fate we have twins. That would be neat, weird, scary...
Well I better run, Noah James says "I wanna play games!" which means I see mommy with her computer and I want to play with it.
:) W
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
It's been a while since I updated so I thought it was about time. The holidays were exhausting! Noah, Millie and I drove to TX at the beginning of December because I was in a wedding. The wedding was beautiful and went off with out any major issues. It was nice having time to spend with friends prior to the xmas excitement. I got to go out with everyone on several occasions and spent way to much money. At the end of the month we all drove home and were soooooooooo ready!
During all the craziness of the holiday Nick's Uncle Brian was getting worse and worse. His liver just couldn't do what it needed to anymore and he gave us a few scares. Luckily he had a transplant today! There is a part of me who feels sad for the person who died but I can't help but feel overjoyed that Brian is getting a chance at life! Now for the recovery.
My weight loss has slowed down but I am not giving up hope that I will reach my goal my the 1 year anniversary. I am trying to get back into the swing of things and getting my rear to the gym on a regular basis. I am at 111 lbs lost so far and look forward to the day when I say I met my goal!
The doc (surgeon) gave us the ok to start trying for baby #2! Unfortunately the weight loss did not increase my fertility. I am not ovulating. So step one is to take Clomid and hope that it works and gets me ovulating, then its up to Nick and I to do the rest. ;) I want a little one so bad. Please oh please work!
I am starting to think more and more seriously about opening a business. I think I would be great at running my own business. The idea I am tossing around is to open a mom friendly cafe. Something that is set up so that kids can play and moms can relax. There is a building down the road for sale that would be perfect and it's a great location. I just have to figure out how to write a business plan and get the capital to start. Oh the possibilities.
Well I better run it's late and I need sleep!
W
During all the craziness of the holiday Nick's Uncle Brian was getting worse and worse. His liver just couldn't do what it needed to anymore and he gave us a few scares. Luckily he had a transplant today! There is a part of me who feels sad for the person who died but I can't help but feel overjoyed that Brian is getting a chance at life! Now for the recovery.
My weight loss has slowed down but I am not giving up hope that I will reach my goal my the 1 year anniversary. I am trying to get back into the swing of things and getting my rear to the gym on a regular basis. I am at 111 lbs lost so far and look forward to the day when I say I met my goal!
The doc (surgeon) gave us the ok to start trying for baby #2! Unfortunately the weight loss did not increase my fertility. I am not ovulating. So step one is to take Clomid and hope that it works and gets me ovulating, then its up to Nick and I to do the rest. ;) I want a little one so bad. Please oh please work!
I am starting to think more and more seriously about opening a business. I think I would be great at running my own business. The idea I am tossing around is to open a mom friendly cafe. Something that is set up so that kids can play and moms can relax. There is a building down the road for sale that would be perfect and it's a great location. I just have to figure out how to write a business plan and get the capital to start. Oh the possibilities.
Well I better run it's late and I need sleep!
W
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