Thursday, November 11, 2010

Update and a little rant...

I have been wanting to sit down and write for some time now but don't really have much to say. I am sure you might find that odd as I am growing two babies at one time; you would think I have a ton to say...
I can't begin to say how loosing all the weight has really helped make this pregnancy easy. I am pregnant with twins and with a month left have only gained 32lbs. I just started a small amount of swelling. I can't breath all that well, but with two babies you really have to expect that. My mood swings and emotions have been in better check. I am starting to truly believe that what we really are what we eat. When we nourish our body properly everything seems to run smoothly.
When I was pregnant with Noah; my mood swings were violent and awful. I have always had issues with anxiety and depression and when I was pregnant it was even worse. After I developed postpartum and needed to be medicated. Since loosing the weight my outlook on life has really changed. It's more than just feeling better about myself. I mean I don't feel "hot" or have the confidence to wear a bathing suit with out shorts but I feel happier with the way I look. There seems to be more to it than just that though. I am just overall happier. I don't take medication anymore and haven't since the surgery. It's almost like the weight loss triggered something in my brain. I do have mood swings, that's normal with pregnancy and hormonal changes but it's different. Now I feel more in control; better able to handle the ups and downs. I think Nick would agree that my emotion have been better this time around.
I have 4 weeks until my csection and I am so ready to see my children! I am not looking forward to the surgery but I want to meet my babies. Oh and to the Women out there who make comments like "Oh that's so nice; you just get to go in and it's so easy" all I have to say is bite me. Your right I don't get to have the excitement of my water breaking or going into labor. Your right I don't get to experience the miracle of actually pushing my child out. GRR. I want very badly to have a natural labor. A Woman's body is made to stretch for and heal after child birth. Our bodies however are not meant to be cut open layer by layer. Yes Childbirth is painful, but it's pain with a purpose. A C-section is painful in a very different way. Once the baby is born vaginally (unless you have had a very severe tear) the pain gradually subsides. Even if you tear the pain subsides quicker than an abdominal incision. It really angers me that some Women seem to thing that by having a c-section I am somehow getting it easier. I am not saying one is easier than the other but lets be honest here; Women heal quicker after a vaginal delivery and it's what our body is made to do. I keep my fingers crossed that I by some miracle go into labor and that both twins are head down. There is also a feeling of being defective when you "can't" give birth vaginally. To me it seems as though there is a feeling of accomplishment when you push that little one out. Laying on the table you feel detached and uninvolved. I understand the importance of C-sections. Had I not had one with Noah; he would have gotten stuck and we could have died. Sections are an important medical breakthrough; but please don't talk to me like I am so lucky that I get to have one. That's like telling someone they are lucky they get to have a root canal. I mean it's important to fix that tooth; but it's painful and no fun. Anywho, that's enough of that rant.

The twins are doing great. Growing quickly, which is great since most twins growth starts slowing down around 32 weeks. At 30 weeks they were over 3lbs each so hopefully we have over 4lbs. The thicker they get, the healthier they will be when I deliver. :) I go into have an Ultrasound tomorrow and am looking forward to seeing how they are positioned.
Liam and Ellie are scheduled to arrive December 8th at 12:30, but I have my fingers crossed that I go into labor. Even if I go into labor and have to end up having a csection it would be so nice to experience the start of labor at least once. We had to induce with Noah as he was late; apparently to big to drop and cause labor to start.
Well I better run.

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