Thursday, December 20, 2012

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

 One day you will learn about the events that happend a mear 25 miles from our home. The deaths of children your age and women Mommy's age. One day you will realize how lucky we are to still have each other. We are a lucky family Baby. We have each other still and your innocence is intact. You still believe you can be an astronaut so you can be with "Star Wars" and be a Jedi. Santa still comes down the chimney and travels the world in one night. The tooth fairy magically takes your teeth away. My hugs and kisses can console and cure you. But one day the innocence that I am fighting to keep for you will fade. On this day let me first say; I am so sorry but unlike Peter Pan we all grow up and learn the truths that aren't always beautiful and magical.
Next don't ever let this world push you down. Yes bad things happen. Sandy Hook can never be explained. Nothing can console the families and community. People will move on but like a scar, even if it fades it's still there. Our job though is to keep living and to find the magic where we can. 20 children and 7 women will never again have the chance to live and find magic. I and I hope you will live well for them.
Baby in the wake of this horrible event love and friendship has poured from around the world. A man took lives but the world is trying to lift up an entire community. There is magic in that. There is magic in the donations, toys, cards, and words of love from strangers. There is magic in men and women standing side by side to pay respect.
One day you will know the truth. Life isn't pretend magic. Life is real magic. It may be harder to see or find, but all things worth having are worth fighting for. Find the real magic in your life and I promise it will be a happy one.
I love you Baby, every moment of everyday.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

An Open Letter to Bryan Fischer and Mike Huckabee

Dear Sirs, (though I think neither of you deserve the address)

Sandy Hook hit very close to my heart. I am still in a fog of sadness and grief for the families.
I am a resident of Connecticut. I live 25 miles from Newtown. My Husband works with people who have been traumatized by this event and I think just about everyone in the state has a friend or a friend of a friend who lost someone or was traumatized. I am also the mother of 3 beautiful children. A 5 year old Kindergartener and 2 year old twins. I was a 1st grade and Kindergarten teacher prior to staying at home with our children.

Now that you know who I am let me respond to the remarks you made following the horrific incidence that occurred in our state.
First lets just read those comments so we can be clear.

Mr. Fischer you first;
The question is going to come up, where was God? I though God cared about the little children. God protects the little children. Where was God when all this went down. Here's the bottom line, God is not going to go where he is not wanted.

Now we have spent since 1962 -- we're 50 years into this now--we have spent 50 years telling God to get lost, telling God we do not want you in our schools, we don't want to pray to you in our schools, we do not want to pray to your before football games, we don't want to pray to you at graduations, we don't want anybody talking about you in a graduation speech...
In 1962 we kicked prayer out of the schools. In 1963 we kicked God's word out of ours schools. In 1980 we kicked the Ten Commandments out of our schools. We've kicked God out of our public school system. And I think God would say to us, 'Hey, I'll be glad to protect your children, but you've got to invite me back into your world first. I'm not going to go where I'm not wanted. I am a gentlemen.
Source HuffPost Religion
Now you Mr. Huckabee
"We don't have a crime problem, a gun problem or even a violence problem. What we have is a sin problem," Huckabee said on Fox News. "And since we've ordered God out of our schools, and communities, the military and public conversations, you know we really shouldn't act so surprised ... when all hell breaks loose."
Source HuffPost Politics

So we are on the same page? Great, then let me just say;

How could you be so awful and ignorant. You are both supposed to be Men of Faith.  Do you truly understand the teachings of God, of Jesus? 
Among the dead there was more than one faith represented and I would bet that even among those of shared faith it was worshiped differently for each of them.  To say that this happened because we don't "allow" God into our schools is reckless and ridiculous. God, who ever your God may be, is not in a building. God is in your heart. In your mind. In the way we live and the way we treat others. God is in the living things of this world.  God cannot be kept out of a building. God is carried through the doors of buildings everyday on the hearts of those who believe. Prayer may not be mandated in school, you may not be required to open with a hymn and a prayer, but it is not forbidden either. Believers all over this country say prayers all day long. Silent or aloud. Believers gather for prayers at flag poles or in clubs after school. I had students who would say a prayer before biting into their sandwich. Where was God? Well, God was with each and everyone of the victims. Gods heart broke, because he too is a parent.  I don't pretend to have an answer for Why all this happend or Why any bad thing happens to good people. I do however know one thing, it wasn't because God let it happen. 

So Sirs, maybe you should spend sometime reading the bible and praying on your own. Oh and one other word of advice; If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. 


Saturday, December 15, 2012

What Kept Me Up Last Night

Like so many others I have been troubled by the events that unfolded yesterday in the Classrooms at Sandy Hook Elementary. Like all parents I held my children tight and thanked God that they were safe. I cried many tears yesterday. My thoughts kept running to those poor babies. Terrified. I kept thinking about my son, who is in Kindergarten at a school 25 miles away from Newtown. I continued thinking about my former Kindergarten and First grade students and how I would have done anything to protect them. My thoughts led me to their parents who I considered friends and how heartbroken they each would be. I was nauseous. When my husband came home we stood in a very long embrace. Wordlessly thanking that it wasn't our sons school. I feel so selfish. I feel pain and anguish for the families. My imagination won't even let me get near the greif, terror, hurt, pain that they are feeling. Sandy Hook has taught me (as so many things do) that every day is a gift that we can't take for granted. Our children are a gift that we should cherish. In the days and weeks to come there will be many more things to take away and discussions to have but today I will continue to hug my children. I may even climb into bed with my son again tonight and secretly whisper to him my love while he dreams of more beautiful things.

I'll end with a prayer;

May the healing love of faith, family and friends wrap tight around you. In your time of loss and sadness may you be comforted. I pray for healing and peace in your heart and mind. May the light of God fill you when you are empty, comfort you when you are sad, and lift you up when you can't stand on your own. Blessings and Peace be with you always.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Starting again

So couch to 5k was quite a bit easier for me than I imagined. Within a few days I was walking/joging/running more than the 5k. Then life threw another wrench in things as it often does. The kids got sick. One had a ear infection, then they both had horrible colds that wouldn't pass. Then it was my turn. I had a painful ovarian cyst, that just wouldn't quite and a few other issues that caused a lot of pain. We had a hurricane and a huge snow storm. Life, right? I have really been thinking about my lack of progress this last 9 months and I don't feel at all guilty. Really I dont.
I stopped breast feeding and I have gained about 20 lbs. Having 2 year old (or will be 12/8) doesn't make getting regular exercise easy. While chasing them around gives me some what of a work out it is nearly enough. Most gyms don't offer childcare and those that do, offer it sporadically and for a cost. It really ranges. The most affordable is the Y, but they are a bit of a drive away so I worry I won't have enough time between putting kiddo #1 on the bus and getting him off the bus at 11:30am (Thanks half day kinder). Another option is LA fitness. They have crazy weird pricing for adults but for kids (and they just offer child watch, nothing for the kids to do like at the Y) its an additional $10 per month per child (no sibling discount.)  The last place is even further away and charges $5 for the first child per visit and $4 for each sibling each visit! Who on earth can afford that! So I came to this conclusion; I am going to have to wake very early each morning, before hubby goes off to work, and jog. Once I get home I am going to have to try and find clever ways to tone. Maybe lifting milk jugs full of water?? Who knows.
Why don't I feel guilty? Well, it's not like I am in love with the extra 20lbs I packed on, but I have maintained since those came on. I gained those very shortly after the twins quit nursing. With as much as they nursed I am very lucky it wasn't more. Over the last few months I have been busy being a mom and wife. I can't feel guilty about 20lbs if I have done a great job taking care of my family. Now with the Holidays upon us, I want to make sure I keep working on living healthy. I do want to loose the 20lbs I gained. I was at my goal weight before, I'd like to be there again. I want to tone my body and be in shape. But I refuse to feel guilty about the days, weeks, and sometimes months that pass as I put things I value more first.

So here is my goal for now. Next week I want to run/jog/walk at least three mornings. Not a difficult task to some, but depending on how well the twins sleep it might be difficult for me! :-)
Until next time.

Friday, May 18, 2012


I pledged to myself that I would work on getting in the best shape of my life. Little did I know weather and womanly cycle would f things up! So yes it rained a lot but I was also in the most horrendous moods thanks to mother nature. I finally went out on my first couch to 5k run last night and did far better than I ever expected. Katy Perry's "teenage dream" was my soundtrack and I must say it really cheered me on! I decided to be brave and post a pic of me post work out. Yes,  I have lost 130lbs, Yes I had a tummy tuck but No I do not at all feel thin or sexy. Yes I stil need to tone my body but I have always been honest and up front. So here is my soft body! Working it's way to hard.

Thursday, May 3, 2012


Tonight was Zumba. I love it so much! At the moment I am signed up through my local parks and rec, but I think I may get a membership to a Zumba studio. I find myself smiling during the workout! Gotta love that!

Moving Forward

It's been almost 3 months since my surgery and life finally seems to be evening out. Healing from the abdominoplasty was far more challenging than I expected. My muscles are still sore and tight. I have started doing Zumba, but that just isn't enough. I have about 10-15lbs I want to drop, but the bigger picture is that I just want to be healthy. Granted I am far healthier than I was at 300 lbs, but like most it could be better.
So I am doing another challenge. This one is my 9 week fitness challenge. I am vowing to spend the next 9 weeks getting in the best shape I have ever been in. Thanks to friend on FB I found something I think will really work. It's called Couch to 5k. I had never heard but it looks great. Check out the schedule here. I realize this is just a start, but that's just it a start. I feel like that's the most challenging part. I'll be checking in periodically so check in, comment, follow, and join in! Let me know how you are doing!