Feeling it all

The reality that Nick has to go back to work in the morning has been crashing down on me all day.

I will be two weeks post op (tomorrow), I still have a drain in my left hip (that is swollen and pulling), No I am no allowed to pick up my children or drive, yes I am on pain meds (that I desperately need a refill for) and muscle relaxers. And No I have no Fing clue how the F I am going to do it.

Yale is great at Health Care! They covered my Gastric Bypass and they have even covered the abdomnioplasty, but when it come to family and time off it's like they forget there is life beyond the walls. It's killing me to know that I can't do this. Tomorrow is going to be horrible and I am just going to have to drag my ass through it. I am going to be in pain, the kids are going to need more than I can offer and there won't be a damn thing I can do about it. I am sure I will hear a lot of "they will be fine" but I won't be. I will be a failure. That sucks. I can't perform my job and need time off, but worse than Yale my Job never has "sick" days.

Family help came for the time they could and I couldn't imagine if we hadn't of had them! At one point I joked that I kind of understood "Sister Wives" a little better. Not in the share a man thing but having someone to share the burden with when you are down and out. My Sister and Mom really came through for us. They are really being missed. Friends who brought meals, flowers, gift cards for food delivery, and breaks were a welcomed gift Nick and I are so grateful for! Please don't let today's melancholy diminish the wonderful things you did for us or make you feel like we are less than uber grateful!

But beyond that everyone I know has job, kids, and a life of their own. Can you help? I don't know? Can you stop what you are doing in your life and come help take care of mine, during the day and through the part of the night the twins won't sleep? Probably not. Nor is that something I could or would ask for. I need my husband. Hopefully after the beginning of next week his schedule will be more flexible again.

I feel so sad for Noah he has needed a play date. He just needed someone to come pick him up and take him to play. But that didn't happen. I wish Sara were around. She wouldn't need a call or to be asked. She would just be at my door telling me that Noah was going to go play with her and Jake. Making the time in her crazy life. At least now he is back in school. Some playtime is better than none.

Yes I am unloading all my poor me, if you don't like it stop reading. Honestly I guess I will just stop writing. Tears and poor me isn't going to get this house clean, laundry done (thank god my mom and Alyssa did so much), or life moving towards tomorrow.

At the moment I am sad and in pain. And I want to say F&CK a lot.

But instead...Goodnight.

The Big Nip and Tuck

NICK: Watching the surgeon mark Wendys midsection with his marker was a trip. He seemed to so casually mark her meanwhile he was precision accurate in his drawings.

I guess it was a good omen that the last thing I remember prior to dozing off into lala land was laughter. I had said something to the nurses they found amusing, then the drugs took effect.

Waking was a bit less amusing. Of course I woke confused, thirsty and just as I have with every other surgery since my knee surgery I was asking for Nick. Next time I woke Nick was there upon seeing him I "had a big relieved smile on (my) face" (said Nick) and I was being allowed some juice which I quickly turned away bc it made me feel sick. They encouraged me to nibble on some crackers as Nick rubbed my hand. I don't remember much but I do remember his hand on mine and thinking, thank god he is here.

When it was time to move me from the surgical center to the Yale Health Infirmary, they moved me in a chair ambulance. Meaning I rode sitting in a wheel chair that I was strapped into, that was then strapped into the ambulance. The ride was a bit fuzzy. I do remember thinking slow down and feeling nervous that Nick wasn't with me.

NICK: Wendys surgery was ~30 minutes late getting started. They have a big LCD television outside in the waiting room with sliding rows showing off who was in what state. A nurse came out around mid-day asking for me to come back to recovery and that my wife woke and immediately asked for me. The nurses in recovery were wonderful. Very attentive and accommodating. They let me hang out in the recovery area during her stay. It was very boring and chill until we had to road trip to the Yale Health Center infirmary for recovery. The old man driving the stand up ambulance was a goofball always with something to say.

Once we got to the infirmary I slept a lot! We tried watching some tv but couldn't control the volume which for some reason really bothered me. :) The first night was all about sleep. Nick wasn't allowed to stay the night so he went home around 8 or 9 for bed time.

NICK: Yale Health Center infirmary was slick. Empty, clean, quite accommodating. Its unfortunate I couldnt stay the night, but it was good to stay around with Wendy during the day and help hold down the kid fort with Mimi during the night.

Nick got home to sleeping babes, a clean house and Mimi waiting to give him a report of a rather boring (no drama) day. YAY

NICK: Mimi blew my mind telling me the babes did just fine. No tears, two naps, amazing.

The next day Nick arrived in the morning and we hung out. Around noonish he left to check on the kids and much to my angst and sadness he left me there until around 5 in the evening. He came after I called crying. Poor guy felt torn, I know this. He wanted to help with the kids, but as I tearfully pointed out my mom was there to take care of the kids and his job was to care for me. Just having him around made me feel stronger, I'm not sure he understands. We are each others rocks.

That night of sleep was horrible! The Yale infirmary isn't like the hospital, they let you sleep. no one is coming in checking your vitals constantly waking you. But I was in SO much pain all night. The Percocet and Demerol weren't working. I woke every hour. Finally around 6am when the nurses changed the new nurse realized the night nurse had not been giving me my valium (muscle relaxers). The pain killers were on an as needed basis the Valium however was supposed to be given to me ever 6 hours on the clock. Once I was given my dose along with my pain killer I passed out and finally slept! I woke around noon, my lunch tray sitting in wait along with Nick. Later in the day I had an appointment with the surgeon, but hadn't been cleared to check out yet. Around 1:45 Nick helped me put on some clothes for my appointment (which I don't remember, i thought I went to the appt in my hospital gown!) I can honestly say I have no memory of walking to the office. I remember falling asleep on Nick's shoulder and then going back.

NICK: Our road trip to the surgeons office was a trip. Poor Wendy was pretty medicated for pain so it was an event getting out of the infirmary, downtown, parked, and into the doctors office. We were so fortunate to score a metered spot right outside the front door. Good thing too as it took several minutes to slowly walk to our destination. Once we were checked in, we had a bit of a wait. Wendy took advantage and passed out on my shoulder as Im sure she was exhausted. Once called back, the doctor was amazing in helping look Wendy over and taking action where needed, all the while discussing things with Wendy and I.

When we got back I was getting a roommate but the Doctor was supposed to be coming in soon to discharge me. I dozed while we waited.

NICK: And we waited. Damn Doctor rounds. Apparently he came by while we jaunted over to the Surgeons downtown office ... which apparently moves our name down to the bottom of the list? ;) This was probably the worst part of the trip for me (since I didnt have to wake at o'dark thirty in pain like Wendy did) as I just wanted to get Wendy home and have everyone together again.

FINALLY I was going home. I arrived later in the evening close to bedtime. When I walked in the twins lost their minds and cried. Breaking my heart. I sat and tried to love on everyone the best I could.

The next couple of days I did more than I should, I picked the kids up every now and again (even as my mom yelled at me). One night I slept on the floor between the twins beds hoping they would sleep. But then I had to do see my Doctor. Without even confessing the doctor could tell because of the swelling. So now I am actually trying to take it easy.

My Mom and Alyssa are angels! They kept up with the kids, the house, the laundry! We would have been lost with out them!
My lovely friends MaryAnn and Chris brought us dinner! and Rachel came by to give my mom a break (she got to take a much needed nap)! Naomi and my fellow Perkadots gave me flowers and a gift card for groceries! I am in love with pea pod delivery!

NICK: Yes, all the help was a godsend. Mimi and Alyssa were amazing house guests who helped make our family being down 'one Wendy' much more manageable. I couldn't imagine their not being here. Well, I can now that our last houseguest is gone. The next few days is going to be fun! ;)

Well I decided to be brave... Below are the pictures!

Ok, These are pre-op. Excess skin and all. These are hard for me to show, but well I have always been open, so here were go...

It hangs lower but well I didn't feel like showing "that" part of my body. :)

Day of Surgery at the Yale Infirmary. Great fourth floor view of Yale's Grove St Cemetary!

1st Day home. I hate drains! yuck.

Below is a few days post op, tons of swelling from fluid (I was up 10lbs pre surgery weight and they removed a few pounds, if that gives you any idea how swollen I was)

Pictures from 2/27/12, I am still swollen. Not as bad though.

The scar goes from hip to hip.

Awaiting the doctor

Nick and I are sitting at the surgical center waiting for the all systems go. Feeling a bit overwhelmed. Just met our nurse who seems so nice. It's always helpful to have a kind face during a scary time. Just waiting for Restifo to come and "do his drawings" ie mark on me where he will be removing skin. I'll update later.
Wish me luck, oh and visit my website stelladot.com/WendySIlkey yep I went there! :-)

The Big Day

So tomorrow is it. I am sitting here downing m&m's and drinking water watching the clock so like a magui I don't eat after midnight. My mind is racing with all the things I need to do but know I won't be able to get them all done. I had really hoped to have more shows on the books for March, so that when I am ready to move I can get back to work. Yep people that is how much I am loving Stella & Dot.
I would post before pictures of my skin but I don't want to gross you out. Also I am brave, but not even brave enough for that. Say a little prayer that I don't kick the bucket during cosmetic surgery.... That would suck.

Love to you all

Noah's Valentines Day Stella & Dot Picks!

So while I was brushing up on my S & D knowledge my 4 year old Noah decided he was going to pick his favorites. I asked him why on each, some reasons way cuter than others! Here are his picks!

Heiress Hoops- Gold
"Because they look like Hula Hoops!"

Zahara Bib Necklace "I like all the colorful beads!"

Serenity Stone Drops "OOO, These because they are GREEN. That's my favorite color!"

Odyssey Ring- Turquoise "I like Blue, Black, and Green!"

Stackable Gem Rings "It's sparkly and colorful!"

Copa Necklace "I like the jewel at the bottom and all the colorful green beads!"

Threaded Turquoise Necklace "It's so long!"

Odette Cuff "It's squiggly!"

Bianca Tassel Necklace "The bottom beads look like eyes!"

Medina Bib Necklace "They look like flowers!"

What ever his reasons the boy has good taste!