Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Feeling it all

The reality that Nick has to go back to work in the morning has been crashing down on me all day.
I will be two weeks post op (tomorrow), I still have a drain in my left hip (that is swollen and pulling), No I am no allowed to pick up my children or drive, yes I am on pain meds (that I desperately need a refill for) and muscle relaxers. And No I have no Fing clue how the F I am going to do it.
Yale is great at Health Care! They covered my Gastric Bypass and they have even covered the abdomnioplasty, but when it come to family and time off it's like they forget there is life beyond the walls. It's killing me to know that I can't do this. Tomorrow is going to be horrible and I am just going to have to drag my ass through it. I am going to be in pain, the kids are going to need more than I can offer and there won't be a damn thing I can do about it. I am sure I will hear a lot of "they will be fine" but I won't be. I will be a failure. That sucks. I can't perform my job and need time off, but worse than Yale my Job never has "sick" days.

Family help came for the time they could and I couldn't imagine if we hadn't of had them! At one point I joked that I kind of understood "Sister Wives" a little better. Not in the share a man thing but having someone to share the burden with when you are down and out. My Sister and Mom really came through for us. They are really being missed. Friends who brought meals, flowers, gift cards for food delivery, and breaks were a welcomed gift Nick and I are so grateful for! Please don't let today's melancholy diminish the wonderful things you did for us or make you feel like we are less than uber grateful!

But beyond that everyone I know has job, kids, and a life of their own. Can you help? I don't know? Can you stop what you are doing in your life and come help take care of mine, during the day and through the part of the night the twins won't sleep? Probably not. Nor is that something I could or would ask for. I need my husband. Hopefully after the beginning of next week his schedule will be more flexible again.

I feel so sad for Noah he has needed a play date. He just needed someone to come pick him up and take him to play. But that didn't happen. I wish Sara were around. She wouldn't need a call or to be asked. She would just be at my door telling me that Noah was going to go play with her and Jake. Making the time in her crazy life. At least now he is back in school. Some playtime is better than none.

Yes I am unloading all my poor me, if you don't like it stop reading. Honestly I guess I will just stop writing. Tears and poor me isn't going to get this house clean, laundry done (thank god my mom and Alyssa did so much), or life moving towards tomorrow.
At the moment I am sad and in pain. And I want to say F&CK a lot.
But instead...Goodnight.


  1. Ok - so just put Noah on a plane and send him here!!! Better yet, put everyone on a plane and come here!!!! Ok ok, I know I'm just dreaming, but you know what - you will survive and you are full of shit of you think you will have failed bc quite frankly 75% of parenting is just SURVIVING. The house will keep, the laundry will still be there on the weekend, the kids will drive you insane, but other than that all you have to do is feed them and keep their diapers changed. THAT WILL BE ENOUGH. Don't cook dinner, don't clean house, and pick up the phone and ask someone for help. Heck, send me their numbers and I will tell them to come help you! Just survive tomorrow, try not to make yourself feel worse and once you get through tomorrow you can figure out how to do the next day. I love you and I'll call you tomorrow, and if I forget, CALL ME! :)

  2. Love you too! Sadly last night my night was made worse by an unwanted visitor. In addition I stopped nursing so when I looked in the mirror last night at my deflated breasts I cried. Poor Nick had a mess on his hands. Today has been tough but it's almost noon and no one has died yet.