The day is getting nearer and I am getting more nervous.
I am going to have some lab work and an EKG done on Wednesday. Then I meet with my Doctor the following Tuesday to get the all clear for surgery. After I get the all clear I meet with the surgeon (on Thursday) to discuss the procedure and answer any questions I might have.
I have been stressed and sad. I worry that my friends will react badly to the weight loss. One of the things Dr. Bell said at our group meeting hit close to home. He said a lot of people will fall in to two teams. Team A- The skinny team and they don't want you to join or Team B- The Fat team and they don't want you to leave. Are people really that self centered. I hope that my friends will be happy that I am healthy. My goal is not to be some hot model that leaves everyone behind. I just want to live a long life with my family. My weight is slowly killing me. I am praying that all my friends will be on Team C (a team I am making up) The we love you and are happy for you and you will always be on my team. team.
I worry about being strong enough to handle this huge life change. Will I be successful? I can't fail. What does it mean if I fail. I have failed at so many other weight loss programs. I don't think I could handle failing another program.
Finally I worry about the actual surgery. It's always scary to be put under. This is the first time I will go under as someones mother and wife. I have to wake up. I am scared I won't. Why do we do that to ourselves. I mean ppl do this all the time. There are surgeries everyday and people walk away happy and healthy. Why do I stress my self out so much.
Until next time I suppose.
Wendy Lou--you are also a cousin, who has brightened literal photos and those mental images in my life in such a unique way. And please don't take lightly what you cousins mean to me. It was such an honor to be older, to be climbed on, to push swings, tote you guys around and literally watch you grow from this adorable baby, to a precious funny girl, onto that point where you converse and discussed your interests...and now you are a married mom. It is an honor.
ReplyDeleteand I think that the people you have chosen in your life are going to support you as you change, through the difficult parts and with the successes. You, Wendy, have built the kind of life that those are the people who you have around you. So, add me to team C, your team.
And please do not be afraid...go in decisive and determined, as you do everything else. You will do well, this is your time, for you and your family.
I love you so very much!
Cathi
You are going to be fine. I wish I could be there to help, but I know in my heart that the surgery will go fine and you will figure the rest out. You are way stronger than you give yourself credit for. Love you.
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