The Twins!

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Update and a little rant...

I have been wanting to sit down and write for some time now but don't really have much to say. I am sure you might find that odd as I am growing two babies at one time; you would think I have a ton to say...
I can't begin to say how loosing all the weight has really helped make this pregnancy easy. I am pregnant with twins and with a month left have only gained 32lbs. I just started a small amount of swelling. I can't breath all that well, but with two babies you really have to expect that. My mood swings and emotions have been in better check. I am starting to truly believe that what we really are what we eat. When we nourish our body properly everything seems to run smoothly.
When I was pregnant with Noah; my mood swings were violent and awful. I have always had issues with anxiety and depression and when I was pregnant it was even worse. After I developed postpartum and needed to be medicated. Since loosing the weight my outlook on life has really changed. It's more than just feeling better about myself. I mean I don't feel "hot" or have the confidence to wear a bathing suit with out shorts but I feel happier with the way I look. There seems to be more to it than just that though. I am just overall happier. I don't take medication anymore and haven't since the surgery. It's almost like the weight loss triggered something in my brain. I do have mood swings, that's normal with pregnancy and hormonal changes but it's different. Now I feel more in control; better able to handle the ups and downs. I think Nick would agree that my emotion have been better this time around.
I have 4 weeks until my csection and I am so ready to see my children! I am not looking forward to the surgery but I want to meet my babies. Oh and to the Women out there who make comments like "Oh that's so nice; you just get to go in and it's so easy" all I have to say is bite me. Your right I don't get to have the excitement of my water breaking or going into labor. Your right I don't get to experience the miracle of actually pushing my child out. GRR. I want very badly to have a natural labor. A Woman's body is made to stretch for and heal after child birth. Our bodies however are not meant to be cut open layer by layer. Yes Childbirth is painful, but it's pain with a purpose. A C-section is painful in a very different way. Once the baby is born vaginally (unless you have had a very severe tear) the pain gradually subsides. Even if you tear the pain subsides quicker than an abdominal incision. It really angers me that some Women seem to thing that by having a c-section I am somehow getting it easier. I am not saying one is easier than the other but lets be honest here; Women heal quicker after a vaginal delivery and it's what our body is made to do. I keep my fingers crossed that I by some miracle go into labor and that both twins are head down. There is also a feeling of being defective when you "can't" give birth vaginally. To me it seems as though there is a feeling of accomplishment when you push that little one out. Laying on the table you feel detached and uninvolved. I understand the importance of C-sections. Had I not had one with Noah; he would have gotten stuck and we could have died. Sections are an important medical breakthrough; but please don't talk to me like I am so lucky that I get to have one. That's like telling someone they are lucky they get to have a root canal. I mean it's important to fix that tooth; but it's painful and no fun. Anywho, that's enough of that rant.

The twins are doing great. Growing quickly, which is great since most twins growth starts slowing down around 32 weeks. At 30 weeks they were over 3lbs each so hopefully we have over 4lbs. The thicker they get, the healthier they will be when I deliver. :) I go into have an Ultrasound tomorrow and am looking forward to seeing how they are positioned.
Liam and Ellie are scheduled to arrive December 8th at 12:30, but I have my fingers crossed that I go into labor. Even if I go into labor and have to end up having a csection it would be so nice to experience the start of labor at least once. We had to induce with Noah as he was late; apparently to big to drop and cause labor to start.
Well I better run.

July 29, 2010 *2

Funny story;

Noah has started to suck/chew on his fingers. Nick and I are always asking him to "take your fingers out of your mouth"
Today I told him again "Noah take your fingers out of your mouth" to which he responded "I have to keep them safe!"

:)

July 29, 2010

Our trip to Texas is quickly approaching and my impatience is growing. I am so ready to go. I think we all need a change of pace and a break from normal life. Today I actually packed bag number 1. Noah and I are almost completely taken care of, now to get Nick's clothes washed and ready to go. Will Tuesday ever come!!!
:)

We have another Ultrasound today at 2:45. We go in to check on the body parts they were not able to check out last time we visited. Hopefully the little ones cooperate. Then tomorrow we have to head to health plan for our OB appointment. So far I have been on seen a different Doctor every time. This time I am visiting a Dr. that was recommended to me and that I am scheduled to see every visit from here on out. Hopefully we all like her...
Well Noah is driving me nuts and crawling all over me, so I guess that's my cue to get off the computer.

July 22, 2010 Take two!

We arrived at Yale Maternal-Fetal Medicine about 15 minutes prior to my appointment and sat impatiently in the waiting room. Apparently they were running behind already so we had to wait until about 9:30ish before we were called back.
I was already anxious and then I realized it was a man doing my ultrasound. Now I am not sure why this bothered me at first as I have had Male ObGyn's before. But for some reason it made me a little uneasy. As he squirted obscene amounts of blue goo on my belly I tried to relax. The lights went dim and off we went.

The ultrasound was to check all the vital organs and body parts so we had to wait awhile before he made his way to the area we really wanted to see. When we finally got there it was pretty obvious what gender the baby was, which should tell you right away Boy. My first reaction was surprisingly calm considering this was the baby I thought was the girl. I new we had one more chance for a girl so I was trying to be patient while he checked every nook and cranny of the baby. It seems like forever passes before we move on to the next baby.
Internally I am thinking alright Baby B lets do this, while another part of me has already given up hope. He is doing all the checking he did with Baby A while periodically checking the nether regions which remains closed for viewing. By the time he is done defiantly Baby B keeps there legs closed. He gives me a towel for my belly and tells me "maybe we can see later" to which I respond "later today??" he doesn't answer and heads out.
Disappointed I call my Mom. "Well Baby A is a boy but we don't know what Baby B is..."
-"Your Kidding right?" "Mom why would I kid about that?" Dr. enters "gotta go mom"

Talk, talk, talk- Alright lets take a look. YES we are going to look again. So he starts checking things out. He isn't as slow as the tech (letting us see everything) so Nick and I are confused about what we are looking at when he says Baby B is a girl.
Nick "What what?" It's a girl Me arms raised in victory "YES!"
Nick "How can you tell, I mean boys are so obvious?" Dr. "Exactly boys have no shame. If it's difficult to determine that usually means it's a girl. We look for what we call a Hamburger" He then shows us said "Hamburger" (ie- the labium, clitoris, labium).

After finding out it was one boy and one girl I felt like I was able to breath and I am sure my blood pressure reduced. I can't begin to express how blessed and excited I am!
Baby Boy Silkey



Baby Girl Silkey

July 22, 2010

It's "That" morning. The day when we find out if we are having boys, girls, or one of each. I know eventually I will be okay with what ever the results are as long as the babies are healthy, but for the time being I hold out hope that I will get a daughter.

I spoke with my Mom and she told me "You have to be happy no matter what" to which I responded "no, Mom I don't" "I am allowed to mourn the loss"
"But you never had it to loose"
"It's the loss of a potential daughter, I will never have a biological daughter if she isn't in there now"
"You never know" (the eternal optimist)
"Well unless I miraculously get pregnant without trying and that baby happens to be a girl well then yeah I could have a chance..."


It's so frustrating. My friends are able to get it, why I would be disappointed and sad. Of all people, why can't my Mom understand.

Well off we go, out appointment is in 45 minutes.

July 20, 2010

I posted this as a discussion on my Mom's group board. So I thought I would post it here too.

I am sure most if not all Moms go through this but I thought I would reach out to the group for support and thoughts...

The further along I get (in my pregnancy) the more guilty I begin to feel. It's like I am taking something away from Noah. I know I am giving him a gift, siblings are great (at times). But it has been just the three of us for 3 years and I don't want him to think he is less important because more children are coming along. Maybe if it weren't two (out numbering him) I would feel differently, but I don't think so. I don't want him to resent the babies for taking the attention away. I also feel sad. It's just us and our bond is so strong. I don't want to loose that or for it to become less because my time for him is going to be limited. I have always known that the older Noah gets the more difficult it was going to be for him when babies came, I guess I just didn't realize how hard it was going to be on me. My older brother was 4 when I was born and he was awful to me until I was in college. It was a big deal me coming and taking his place as the youngest and to top it all off I was a girl. He told my parents to send me back (as story I really think I could have done with out hearing). But I was 2 when my little brother was born and don't recall his being born or being the youngest. I just remember having a best friend growing up. I just worry that Noah is now at the age where he is going to remember the attention and the difference after the babies come. I mean one way to make a kid feel less important is to have all the ppl who once ooed and ahhed over you to all of a sudden oo and ahh over a new baby and poor kid he has to deal with the novelty of twins!
Sorry to vent, but I was just curious if others felt this way and what you did to help/prepare yourself and your child.

Yep those are undies on his head! :)